Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Men and Women/ Dogs and Cats

The co-existence of dogs and cats seem to lend some principles to the co-existence of men and women. Take a second to imagine or to observe how the cats and dogs from the neighborhood or from your household and you will understand. The mutual “Who is the boss?” attitude, the “I can do what you can do” or even the “Who got enough muscles” game is pretty much like these two species.

We live in a society where women have empowered and are still trying to empower themselves. The discussions around men and women are loud and brutal in a way and they are almost always surrounding the question of who is more capable of things and the question of equality.

What has gone wrong in the co-existence of men and women over the centuries? How were these two genders supposed to live? This has become one of the most problematic subject in our communities.
First of all, I think we have missed the point in attempting to solve that puzzle. Using labels never resolve anything than to enhance segmentation. In our search for understanding, we invented the tags/labels “Feminism”, “Sexism”, “homophobic”, and whatever adjectives we tag on people to categorize them. But that method only seems to increase the volume of arguments. Today, everyone is required to pick a side, and by picking a side we are just saying “We are feminists or sexists, this is what we do and we are willing to fight for what feminism or sexism stand for”. By doing so, I don’t really think we want things to change. And interestingly, the negative tags are created as part of the defense mechanism by the minorities that feel attacked.

Secondly, millions of dollars are spent every year on organizations and movements that are created to resolve the gender conflicts and empower the one we have decided “Victim” or “Weak”. But what is the outcome of that? It’s good to discuss issues, but making a woman aware of what she already knows does not take away what she lives, or telling her the rights and kind of treatments she deserves, does not provide the treatment instantly. We can talk about those issues for ages, but the most important element is what we do after talking about them. In fact, the feminist concepts seem to emphasize on the line, mistakenly drown, between the two genders. With that line, solutions are trying to be found by the feminine side when the masculine is represented as the devil. Excluding men in the “women empowering programs” is one of the mistakes we have made. The line between the two shouldn’t exist in a first place.

Thirdly, men have become simple spectators. They are just watching and most of them thinking “Women talk a lot, complain too much and are never satisfied. Let them talk and do what they are good at while we are sipping on some cold beer”. Instead of showing a little interest in what their mothers, sisters, daughters, spouses and family seem to have concerns for, they lay on social assumptions and sit back to enjoy the show.  That’s even why there is no much to charge them here. They just chose to deal with small issues, running from serious ones like boys always do.We have to reach to the understanding that none of the present methods to fix the situation will surely be successful because all of them have missing pieces. Instead of uprooting the tree, we are cutting down the branches and the leaves. Pointing fingers, poking here and there, shooting on ghost targets and trying to fix superficial issues will never end this Dog and Cat game. The most important step would be acknowledging our shared responsibility in this situation.
It all starts with men who forgot to mature. They have been so distracted that they forget to take our life protein to Man Up, to be the best versions of themselves, to evolve daily. Lack of role models? Probably! But still the first rich man did not start off rich. Women are made with this instinct of order. And the male immaturity has created an unbalanced situation. So, women suffering from the situation the immaturity of men has created, they now need to hit on something. Now they are taking blank shots on wrong targets and they have forgotten about the order in the process. Now they focus on being independent. Being able to live without any male support which is impossible until we become real gods. Financial independence can be achieved with hard work, but what about the emotional independence and things of that nature?

 We are designed to depend on each other on something. The creator made everything for a purpose and all things are made to co-exist in a calculated dependence. We can be free from external factors to us, but never from principles that define and make us who we are. It’s time to focus on what matters. I know it’s not too late for my generation. Let’s go back to the original principles that made us men and women, two beings made to team up and rule the universe we see. Maybe then we will see a brighter day not in equality but in living a pure and purpose driven life happily together.

Discussion questions:
- What do you think, based from your experience, will create a common ground to this unending debate men vs women?
-Do you think that the media and the popular culture has somehow influenced this debate?
-What has gone wrong in the co-existence of men and women over the centuries?


  1. Hi Ketu!

    I took a Gender and Sexuality course so I am well aware that this is a topic that stirs opinion and often feelings. I had to outline entire texts, so I can testify that there is no shortage of material! :)

  2. I sometimes wonder if there will ever be a common ground with gender equality. With so many different people's opinions on the topic that it will never full become a black and white topic but forever a shade of grey.

    In communications there is something called The Agenda Setting Theory which is basically the media choose what you see and is on your wave length. I think that since the media shows more of the bad side of gender equality (like extreme feminism) it makes everyone think that is all the fight of gender equality. This has given people a bad idea of the matter.