Wednesday, March 1, 2017

What's your zombie plan?

Personally, I like both Simmons AND Griff's zombie plans. Just for different reasons.

Well, for me personally, it depends on the type of zombie.  Are we talking runners or shamblers?  viral infected or re-animated undead?  I know that this Klosterman guy seems to think that it doesn't make much of a difference, but any well prepared man (or woman, we're an inclusive post apocalyptic bunch) should be prepared for any combination of those four scenarios.

For instance in the case of anything to do with undead risen by the dark forces of an evil summons, one should steer clear of graveyards as they provide ample troops for the legions of the undead.

If you're dealing with runners, chances are that you'll want to get out of town and head to low population density areas.  Think deserts or arctic and make sure you take back roads as all of the freeways are soon to become all you can eat zombie buffets.

Shamblers are easy on Mormon populations due to that one year supply of food that they're always packing.  The big mistake that these religiously inclined populations make is storing their food in the basement.  As we all know, basements provide easy access for brain hungry shambler zombies.  Your best bet is to store your food in the attic with just a rope ladder for access. It probably wouldn't hurt to plumb in a toilet up there while you're at it. Make sure to provide yourself with plenty of ammunition to ward off both the undead as well as pillaging marauders.  Remember: a one year supply for you, is a six month supply for two.

Last but not least, if the mundanity of life has you feeling like your fending off wave after unending wave of zombie hordes in the form of small tasks such as checking your email or crafting card board boxes down at KapStone then you should carefully follow these procedures:

1. Keep doing what you're doing because life is meaningless and eventually these small tasks will overcome and kill us regardless of how prepared we are.

2. See step one.

Okay, so that might be an overly pessimistic view of the world we live in.  Frankly, I'd rather have the zombies to fight.  Most of my older siblings are in well established careers, for which I do envy them.  However, it seems to come with one caveat that they have expressed to me over and over.  That of feeling trapped where they are at.

In Klosterman's article he draws comparisons between the duldrums of everyday life and postulates as to how that might relate to why we as a culture seem so taken with zombies in our media.  He compares how taking just one more conference call or suffereing through one more time vampire of an email can feel like warding off unending deluge that is the undead hoard.

I hear it in the comments from my brothers.  School was something new everyday. They learned about biochemistry and drug interactions, they memorized the bones of the body and learned the physics of hydrology.  But now, even though they all have comfortable careers, the lament the sameness of it all. Get up, go to work, read emails, go home, go to bed.  Get up, go to work, read emails, go to bed.

With all that repetition, it begs the question, are we the survivors or are we just the zombies?

Discussion questions:

1. What's YOUR zombie plan?

(I'm all about holing up in my attic with a shotgun and food storage)

2. Do you have a strategy for dealing with life when things get too repetitive?

(I like going canyoneering)

1 comment:

  1. Not going to lie, I have a pinterest board that is all for zombie apocalypse survival. After watching shows like The Walking Dead it has become more important and relative to me. Also I may identify with the Mormon group and have the supply but not quite as much as most since I am considered a poor college student. I am prepared along the lines of taking a little bit from my parent's supply and then taking it to my own much, much smaller version that would last me a month if crap went down.

    Along the other version you got to with getting repetitive. If I ever feel like I am getting stuck in a rut or board I have to get out of my house before I start to get really ornery. Just going on a drive up the canyon or to a new area around town already helps a bunch!